I didn’t even want to imagine the pain that I would suffer otherwise. Did you know it’s super-painful to get your teeth pulled? No fooling! The anesthesia worked when I had my wisdom teeth out, thank God. (Nothing says spring break like recovering on your parents’ couch from dental surgery.) The time before that, I had to get a couple teeth pulled, a procedure made doubly exciting because the anesthesia never kicked in. The last time I had any kind of invasive medical procedure, I was a sophomore in college getting his wisdom teeth out on spring break. The nurse laughed when I mentioned my second expectation-there was little doubt that I’d be knocked out good and proper before any surgical procedure began.
The Fugitive was playing on AMC on the TV above the nurse’s head I just wanted to focus on that. I didn’t want to feel any pain, and I didn’t want to be reminded of why I was there. I wanted to focus on anything else, as I’d wanted to once I felt a jabbing pain on the right side of my abdomen the weekend before. “Uh…a successful surgery? To not be awake during any of the surgery?” That was the best I could muster. Is this a trick question? I had been in the hospital for the last 12 or so hours, having driven myself to the ER on a Wednesday evening only to find out that I had acute appendicitis. What are my expectations for today’s procedure? I looked over at my parents and my wife, sitting to my right on an even-less-comfortable couch and chair buttressing the window. “What are your expectations for today’s procedure?” The nurse brightly asked me this question as I rested as comfortably as possible on the twin-mattress hospital bed on the sixth floor of the medical center overlooking the highway and the Arizona Cardinals football stadium that doubles as a large, inflatable gray nipple.
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